I have been in a relationship for just over a year now with a guy I met online. I know it's not the most romantic love story but it's what brought us together. I don't care how it happened as long as I'm here with him. I've only tried online dating once but it resulted in a great relationship so I thought I'd share how I went about the online dating thing.
What I've found is that online dating is all about your mindset. You need to be sure about your values, intentions, picture of a healthy relationship and so much more.
You Are The Prize
When I went into online dating I wasn't particularly looking for a long term relationship right off the bat, but I knew that my love and time were valuable and others needed to recognize that as well. Although this is not always the mindset you want to go into a relationship with. When you have a strong sense of how valuable you are, you're more willing to cut people out who disrespect you. Unfortunately there are going to be times when online dating that people ghost or even call you names (not my personal experience though I've heard horror stories) but knowing your value helps you brush off the attacks of the insecure and continue your search for someone who sees your true value.
Be Honest
Think of everything you say on your profile or in conversation as the beginning of a relationship or friendship. I don't mean investing your all into every conversation but rather acknowledging this could be the beginning of your love story. You don't want the beginning of your relationship to be based on lies. This still holds true in the online dating world. Along with being honest yourself remember that catfishes do exist. I'd recommend verifying the person you're talking to. This may mean a quick Facebook profile check or a google search. I'd also recommend asking for an up to date selfie if you're also up for sharing one yourself.
No One Night Stands
This policy is one I swear by. If you tell a creep you don't do one night stands he will most likely ghost you, which means less losers for you. I found this pretty easy to squeeze into conversation by asking them what they want to get out of online dating. Even if you're unsure of what you want this gives you both not only an idea of what your hopes and standards are for this adventure into the internet but also gives you the opportunity to flush out major mismatched goals. I had no idea what I wanted when I went into online dating as my dad was the one who convinced me to do it, but I did know a lot of things I didn't want. This conversation isn't the time to list all the no-no's in your ideal relationship but to set real standards and boundaries for the person you're chatting with.
List Your Deal Breakers
One activity I will always recommend to someone before they start online dating is writing a list of instant no's. These no's may not always be red flags in the universal relationship sense but rather red flags that you are not compatible. For me I knew I would only date a man who shared the same faith as me. Not only did I set up my profile so that it would only show me men who claimed to be Christian on their profile but I would then double check their story by asking if they were raised in the church or found faith later in life. For others this may look like age differences, desire for children or if they already have kids, faith, and so much more. This list is incredibly important to stick to as these are the most likely reasons you would break up over in the future. By staying true to this list you're staying true to yourself, your future, hopes and dreams.
Meet Up, But Safety First
In all honesty it's difficult to know if you're attracted to someone based on a photo, (especially since many men don't know their angles) let alone know if you vibe together based on texting. Meeting up should always be done before you get your hopes up about the relationship. I know every woman has heard this a million times but, safety first. Men and non binary friends should also know this. I'm going to review the usual: share your location with a trusted person with access to a vehicle, meet in public, watch your drink, and always be willing to say no.
Though this post may seem like a cautionary tale, this caution led me to success. Don't be afraid to make friends while online dating and don't forget to have fun. When you're having fun being single and seeing what's out there you're more willing to wait for the right person. You are lovely and deserving of a healthy love so if breaks are needed from the dating world take them. I hate the saying "right person wrong time" as the right person will wait for you, fight for you, and be there when you need them, so be patient. Remember if you get this right it may be your last time being single.
For those who met your person online what tips do you have for others?
Disclaimer: I am not a relationship expert and honestly know more about what not to do rather than what to do so please take my advice with discretion.
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